now..

I want to love you now
Without thinking of any gain or loss
Without thinking of possibilities
Without thinking of the past or the future.

I want to love you now as much as
the rain wants to fall down the earth
Without inhibitions..
Inevitable.

I want to love you now..
Pure and simple
Without expectations,
Without pride.

We live in this harsh world
Where loving should be justified
But i want to love you now
Without explanations, without fear

I want to love you now
Without the influence of mind and concience
Without thinking of the rules and norms
Without thinking at all.

And if you let me love you now,
I'll hold it very tight
Because when tomorrow comes,
When we wake up in the real world
where distance, pride, pain, time, expectations,
conscience, and possibilities exist,
Our feelings and memories might fade away.

We might get lost and never come back.
There might even be no 'we' nor 'us'

And this.. what I'm holding in my hand,
Is the only real thing that's left of me.

:)

Hello sweet creature! How's your day?

As you can see, there's a hate post bellow that I should delete but chose not to haha. That's a letter made out of heartache so let's leave it that way.

I'm totally happy now. :)

I just want to thank you for accepting me every after crazy fights.

I've been so immature and selfish. Forcing you to feel what I feel. I know I was unfair. I apologize for that.

I'm happy there's someone on the other side of the world who can see through me.. and since you know things about me that I'm not aware of, let me give you facts about your self that I find very adorable ;)

- You're so sweet and caring. You're a big flirt and a bit jealous. You can be a great friend for girls but worst enemy for guys.. guys also have insecurities. They get jealous cos girls feel comfortable around you. :P

- I think you're family-oriented and I'm sure you're the nicest big bro. and oh! you're a lola's boy :)

- You told me you're workaholic. Maybe the reason why you're not yet settling down. I don't know the other reasons though haha

- You want to try different things but you want to take them slow. You may have a tendency to "collect and select" cos you want to make sure you'll make the right decision. You're afraid to step out of your comfort zone cos you're already stable and secured.

- You got good sense of humor that makes you so sexy ;)

so far those are tiny bits of you that I learn to love haha :P

May 20,2013 3:30 AM

Last time you asked the "What cuts you the deepest?" A question I posted on my wall that bounced back to me. I can't exactly answer it.. cos I believe every "firsts" cut everyone of us.. deep. I answered "Longing for someone you can't ever have." Well I think it's right. Because I feel that this cut you made is so deep, I don't know how or when it will heal.

I could have loved you more..
I could have cared a lot about your private life.. everything about you..
I could have shared more.. my time.. emotion.. effort..
I could have showed you more of me..

It's done. You said goodbye. It's sad I wasn't able to jump over the wall that you created. It's sad that you were not ready to open your doors. It's sad that the path I thought we were walking along together was just a figment of my imagination. Maybe I expected too much. I cling to the wrong signals you showed me. I thought the feelings were true.. but they're not.

What cuts me the deepest?

My longing for you. Your weakness and strengths.. your joys and sorrows..
Your dreams and frustrations.. Your body and soul..

I long to embrace every bit of you.. that I can't ever have.

-B

Whenever I feel so low..

May 9, 2013 (9:00 AM)

They say falling in love is not purely by chance.
It is also a choice.. a decision.

I'm still torn if I will feed this feeling I have for you
or just forget it and live my life happily.
Cos whenever I think of you, I feel happy and sad at the same time.

Well, we can't get the best of both worlds.
And if half of my world will be dark,
I'll be happy to face the bright side with you.

-B

May 8, 2013 (7:08 AM)

 

 

I miss you.

I don't know where you are right now or what time it is there, 

but all I want to do now is stop the time and 

clear this space between us and hold you tight. 

This longing is so strong I can't let a minute pass 

without thinking of you.

I miss you.

I long for you.

It kills me.

-B